One Year Anniversary

I know, I know, it's been almost a month since Dan and I celebrated our anniversary (on a surprise dinner cruise, I might add! Thank you husband :)  But I still have to write something. It's been too glorious a year-- with too many kisses shared and lessons learned-- not to unpack it a little with you.

Here's the biggest lesson that's coming to mind. I tend to worry a lot about the ones I love getting injured or hurt. Like... a lot. But when Dan and I got engaged, that worry multiplied itself by a eleven thousand million bajillion plus one. I worried ALL the time! If Dan was a minute late coming to my house I was sure it meant he was lying dead on the road somewhere with raccoons picking at his hair. If he were to be five minutes late, I'd call the cops and demand a full scale investigation. Needless to say, I read a whole lot of Psalm 23 during those engagement days.

The reason? Well, I loved Dan. With my whole heart. And I still do, but being engaged meant there was a really big promise waiting for me up ahead. It meant that in just a few months, I would be able to go to sleep with Dan right next to me. I could wake up in the morning and find him drinking coffee at the dining room table. Every dinner I made would be shared with him. Every decision I made would include him as well. I would just get to be with him in a way I never would unless we were married.

And I absolutely couldn't wait.

My mind knows full well that Dan is not immortal; that the Lord could take him away at any moment should He will to do so. But my heart just yearned so much to get to experience marriage with Dan-- just for a month or so at least, please. Please. I couldn't imagine the devastation of having that promise fall through. Of never seeing Dan's hair all askew after waking up in the morning. Or never getting to spend an entire day together snuggling on the couch with hot chocolate without changing out of our pajamas.

I just wanted to be with him. I never knew such strength of desire and yearning.

Now I know what you're thinking. That this is a problem. That my intense worry for Dan hasn't gone away since we've been married and has only been replaced with "Oh, I hope I can at least have children with him," and then it will be "Oh, I hope I can just retire with him" and so on and so forth.

However, thankfully, that hasn't been the case. I think the Lord just wanted to show me how much I should desire to be with Him. And how much he desires to be with His bride in return. What if I daydreamed about it when my mind began to wonder? What if it captivated my imagination while I fell asleep at night? What if it was my only treasure, my only dream. A fierce, vivacious, intensive hope.

Hope.

Hope in the Lord, you see, is so much more than a promise. It is a guarantee. It is a certainty. So we can anticipate without worry. One day, one absolutely beautiful day, we will be with Him. Forever.

Oh, friends. Have you ever known such desire and yearning?

Agape,
CC