(Please note, I LOVE my job. I'm so so grateful for it!)
However, Dan had an interview for grad school last week. We've been praying for an opportunity to send him back to school and we're so thankful he's been given a chance. The program is really wonderful and amazingly scholarshipped, he's excited about his professors and classes, and the schedule would fit perfectly for our needs. Long story short, it's a too-good-to-be-true opportunity and the two of us were soooo nervous the day of his interview.
And boy, did I ever pray that day during work! I prayed while I filed the attendance papers, I prayed in between responding to emails, I prayed every time I put the phone down, and I even prayed while washing my hands in the bathroom. There was just a different weight, a new longing on my heart that sought out empty pockets of time where I could seek the Lord, even if those pockets were only a few seconds. I wanted so badly for my sweet husband to leave his interview feeling like he had done his best.
For the first time in a long time, I felt like I had something to pray for.
Oh how deceiving my heart is! Somebody please tell me that isn't what I was waiting for this whole time-- a reason. If I could only see the way this world looks to my Father in Heaven. If I could only see the immediate disaster that surrounds me and my loved ones twenty four seven. If I could only see the incredible graces constantly dangling just within my reach. Do I understand how feeble our finances are? That at any moment my truck could break down, our roof begin leaking, the water heater burst, or another medical bill be delivered? Every meal on the table that fills me full is undeserving grace. Do I realize how quickly the economy could drop, leaving us jobless with our savings slowly slipping away? If only I could see how easily breakable are my bones, how just the right crack in just the wrong place could grant immobility for the remainder of my life. Every step taken, stair climbed, and long walk enjoyed is a blessing. Do I know what haunts those around me, what kind of temptations my loved ones are dealing with, fighting against, succumbing to, gone? What kind of miracles are needed to keep Satan's forces at bay? What kind of predators follow my footsteps, waiting for a hesitation, a doubt, another kink in the armor where their sword can slide in and kill? It's not only me that lives a haunted life, but everyone I love is facing some sort of demon. Can't I see them? Don't I know? Every day is a battle field. Every hour is a house of cards, every minute a bigger breeze, blowing cold against all I've built up.
If only I understood with true depth that when I lay against Dan's chest at night to hear his heart beating, at any moment it could stop, no warning, and never begin again. And so could mine. Yes, easily. So could mine.
What more evidence do I need to stop wasting time?
Take the rain clouds from my eyes, Father. Smear the mud and let me see this world as it really is. The dangers, the catastrophes, the graces I take for granted. Remind me that it's because of you my fingers are even typing this blog post. It's because of you I learned to read, I own a computer, my hands work when I ask them to. And at any moment it could all be taken away.
Yes, if ever before then surely now, I have infinite reasons to pray.
Forgive me, Father, for my passive mind and idle heart. I'm sorry for the wasted minutes I've let slip by and the countless hours I'll surely lose in the future. Grant me the grace I need to abide with you, and let it be for your glory alone.
And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. -1 Thessalonians 5:14-18
Do you have a time during the day when you find it difficult to abide? Please share. And please, let us not lose hope-- his graces are infinite and he is willing and able to overcome everything. He is the only strength we need.
With Agape,
CC
If only I understood with true depth that when I lay against Dan's chest at night to hear his heart beating, at any moment it could stop, no warning, and never begin again. And so could mine. Yes, easily. So could mine.
What more evidence do I need to stop wasting time?
Take the rain clouds from my eyes, Father. Smear the mud and let me see this world as it really is. The dangers, the catastrophes, the graces I take for granted. Remind me that it's because of you my fingers are even typing this blog post. It's because of you I learned to read, I own a computer, my hands work when I ask them to. And at any moment it could all be taken away.
Yes, if ever before then surely now, I have infinite reasons to pray.
Forgive me, Father, for my passive mind and idle heart. I'm sorry for the wasted minutes I've let slip by and the countless hours I'll surely lose in the future. Grant me the grace I need to abide with you, and let it be for your glory alone.
And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. -1 Thessalonians 5:14-18
Do you have a time during the day when you find it difficult to abide? Please share. And please, let us not lose hope-- his graces are infinite and he is willing and able to overcome everything. He is the only strength we need.
With Agape,
CC
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